What can I say...,

I've found love again....Never thought I would hear someone tell me they loved me or feel love again. After being alone for two years, it feels nice to have someone again. We work for the same place, just different areas. He's a bit older than me, which is different, but different in a good way. I got to meet ALL of his kids, but one..he was in West Virginia, at his one son's wedding November 5. His family likes me, which is nice. Though, I thought my ex husband's family hated me...nope, they hate the home wrecking whore and miss me.........lol I'm also going to be moving into his place, which I'm excited about, but also a bit scared. Thanksgiving was awesome and had my youngest with me for the week. Looking forward to Christmas...haven't had a real Christmas in years and this will be awesome. Just an update of sorts. TTFN, Justine

Hurricane Mathew..

Yep.....Survived..........lol My roommate and I rode it ous like champs. Really all we did was sleep and after thinking about it, I can survive anything. THe last two years of my life have been crazy and I survived all that. I lost a day of pay, but was able to help with cleanup at work as well. We have three people who have lost everything and we as a family are coming together to help them as best we can. A community like St.Augustine is like nothing I have seen or felt before. So many neighbors helping each other and I have never seen that before. Even when Charlie came through in 2004 and devastated Polk County, there wasn't a sense of community and family like St.Augustine. Anyways, yesterday was my first full day of work and it was exhausting, but it was a full day of pay. lol I do love where I live and can't imagine living anywhere else. Thank you for reading my ramblings. TTFN, Justine

Got To Talking..

With my friend and roommate about relationships and getting intimate with someone. I've only been with one other person besides my husband and that was because I was "dating" this person. Basically for 14 years, I only knew my husband at the time and thought I was ready to move on and be with someone else. HUGE mistake..the sex was awful and lets face it, I wasn't ready. Bad sex ruins everything....it just does. If your heart isn't in it, it is going to be awkward. The connection my husband and I use to share was amazing and to have that was the best feeling and it scares me to have that again. Think it would scare anyone who was ever in love once before. Like I said before, I'm not afraid of love, just afraid of losing myself and being the person I use to be. Sad, unhappy, 100lbs heavier, and depressed. I'n not the same person I was 2 years ago, I'm not even the same person I was in Colorado, honestly. Anyways, thanks for reading my ramblings and I think I'm finally no longer stuck in my head.......lol TTFN, Justine

Another Year Older...

It was sort of my birthday yesterday...............lol I had the most amazing day with my friend and roommate. Though I sat in on his awkward meeting with this girl he met, really awkward, but what are friends for...........lol After, I stopped and saw my friends and colleges at work, rode the trolley, met up with my friend and we had some fun. Tried something for the first time and it was amazing. Had a couple beers, went to the candy store, and then to another shop and finally home. We both passed out, but had the best day. Growing up my birthdays where't that great, but I always made sure my kids had amazing birthdays and even my ex husband, I made sure their day was special. Anyways, still have today off (Saturday) and going to spend it cleaning and getting the apartment situated. I still can't believe what an amazing day I had and got to spend it with my good friend. TTFN and thanks for reading my ramblings. Justine

Update about my journey...lol

Since the last time I blogged I've lost my glasses and now I bet you wonder,"How is she typing this??" Well since you asked, I have the keyboard pretty much memorized and yeah, no glasses. Oh and to totally top this all off, I twisted my ankle and broke two toes. I walked to and from work, total miles are 4.4 round trip. Not a bad walk at all and helps with my weight. But because I have astigmatism, my depth perception is off and my foot found the one hole I never step in. Then I kicked my roommates bag not once, but twice and the second time broke two toes.......So yeah, that was two weeks ago. My ankle has its good and bad days, but my toes are always sore. I work retail, so it really sucks at times......lol Also, I went to my manager party and got drunk. Something I never do and it was fun and we all had a blast. I love my job and I've met some great people and also some friends. I'm still keeping myself at a distance, but they are good people. My son hasn't visited yet, but we had a storm roll through, but he will be here in a couple weeks and that will be awesome. So that's what has been going on. I still have some thoughts going through my head about some things, but I will put those out soon enough. Thanks for reading my ramblings. TTFN, Justine

So This Happened..

On my way to work...I had a guy stop me and tell me that I was the prettiest thing he has seen since he's been in Saint Augustine and he was going back to Baltimore Maryland with a smile on his face. He was a sweet guy and it was nice to get a compliment. I looked like what we call a hot southern mess.........lol But, I got to thinking. Feminism has ruined the ability for men to compliment women. Think about it..men can't tell a woman she looks nice with out a woman thinking a guy just want sex out of the whole thing. Yes, there are the men who are just looking for sex or other things, but there are the genuine men who are just wanting to tell women they look nice. I'm personally not use to getting hit on since my weight loss. Ok, so I'm down nearly 100lbs since 2014 because of stress and hearing a guy hoot or holler is nice for once........lol I walk almost 2 miles to work and usually a sweaty mess when I get there, so I clean up, but still is hoot or holler is a compliment. Ok, thanks for reading my ramblings. TTFN, Justine

Family..Hear Me Out..

My family...I'm really trying to think of a way to describe them or how they use to be. My mother is and will always be an addict. She self medicates for her manic depressant bi polar, she was never fit to be a mother and that's ok. Some people are just not cut out to be parents. I have no clue who my real father is. You put all 5 of us together and only my two sisters look alike, I look like no one. My grandmother was just an unhappy evil woman. Seriously, I have nothing nice to say about her and I know she's still unhappy dead. My grandfather was the glue that held everyone together. My family was better because of him and when he died, their true colors came out. My aunt is the trouble maker and another unhappy person in life and one day in death as well. She started all the trouble in our family and her kids are no better. My brother is also an addict and has been since he was like 12. I remember having at least 2 interventions for him and that did nothing. My grandparents did him no favors babying him the way they did. He can't take care of himself and can't be alone. My sister is my rock and my best friend. We're 16 months apart and I stayed with her when I was in Colorado. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her. My sons are my everything and I'd love to have us back in one home, but I don't see that happening. My oldest needs to be on his own, he needs to learn to be alone and to be an adult. My grandmother babied him the same way she did my brother. My youngest I was truly blessed with. He gets it all and sees it all, he has a promising future and a great head on his shoulders. I use to worry about what my family thought of me and how they viewed me. I use to worry what they would say if I ever got divorced or something happened to one of my kids. I don't care what anyone has to say anymore. It's non of their business. It's my life and their miserable and I'm not. If I ever get remarried, I don't have to worry about family gossip or drama. I have no real family and no one to answer to. I don't have to worry about someone not liking how I do my wedding or my wedding dress. None of this makes me sad, it makes me sad for the people who have to go threw all this drama. Watch Say Yes To The Dress and you will see. Seriously, it's sad. Thanks again for reading my ramblings. TTFN, Justine