Why it sucks to be me sometimes...

I'm empathetic, which means I feel everything. When I'm near someone I can tell the day they are having. I can feel if someone is in a good mood or if someone isn't having such a great day. Comes in handy when you are working retail, you basically know how to approach someone. My ex husband (actually we're still married, but papers have been filed on his part) told me at one point that I ran from my feeling and never knew how to express them. (He's the cat calling the kettle black, he's what I like to call emotionally constipated.) Yes, there was a time I had to shut down all emotions and had to feel nothing. It's a defense I like to use and I can switch it on and off. Our marriage had some good times and bad, but towards the end it got really bad. But the more and more I think about it, it wasn't all that great. My ex was controlling and also mentally wore me down. He tried to change me into what he thought a "perfect" wife looked like. He would complain if I wore makeup, if I colored my hair, if I cut my hair, or even if I so much as wore something he just didn't like. I put up with all of it and I forgot who I was. I even stopped practicing my craft, I'm Gypsy. I stopped believing in myself and my magic. I stopped being who I use to be and tried to be what he wanted. I stopped wearing makeup, stopped coloring my hair, and even went as far as to wear what he wanted me to wear. I use to have a ton of polo shirts, which I still can't believe I wore. It wasn't until I started working at the salon again that I started to feel like ME again. Changing my hair, doing my hair all nice, and even wearing makeup. I made some friends and even started getting tattooed by my now best friend. My ex didn't like that I had friends, that I really didn't need him for some things. Me having a social life, he didn't like. He's very introverted and really has no friends. That's not me..lol I'm a Libra, the zodiacs social butterfly. LOL Being in Colorado, I found myself again. I made some amazing friends, had a full time job, and was able to start my craft again. I feel amazing and never going to let anyone break me down mentally or emotionally again. I'm never going to let anyone control me either. If they can't like me for who I am and can't see past my tattoos, oh well, I don't need them in my life. I believe there's true soul mates for everyone and sometimes, we're lucky to just have one and sometimes we get an opportunity to have two in a lifetime. Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic at heart but, who isn't?? TTFN, Justine